went for training just now as usual.. and i found out that i have been left out of the SUKMA trials.. i mean, WTF?? i've been told to train an extra day every week since i dunno when and NOTHING pays off.. there are 4 places to fight for in the SUKMA squad.. ok make it 3 because there is no way Elvinn Keo wont qualify.. 3 places up for grabs and only 4 people fighting for it.. CUT ME SOME SLACK PEOPLE!!

i've been training so hard to prepare for this and one word just destroyed my hopes.. i have just about enough with all this crap.. i mean, if i play the trials, and if i fail, then i will know for sure i am not good enough.. but i'm not even getting a chance to show how much i have improved..

its virtually my last year training as a junior and i'm quite sure i wont be going pro (like that will happen).. i wanted this very badly and now i will never know what its like to participate in such a big event.. i was so full of hope at the begining of the year.. i was certain that if i train hard enough, i can at least get a chance to fight for the place.. but now i see that nothing matters.. i always had the feeling i was never liked by the coaches.. Max would know how i feel (dont you Max?).. both of us are treated like outcasts.. but for Max's case, he at least got into the trials..

now i'm only left with the SAP League next week which wont be participated by the SUKMA trial players.. i guess i'll be seeded quite high.. if i'm not, then fuck squash.. and instead of thinking of SUKMA, now i will have to focus on the Penang Junior International Open.. if everything i heard is correct, i will be the sole representative for Penang in the boys u-19 event (excluding Dennis that is)..

training just now was quite different.. Andria and Debbie joined Dennis and myself and the monkey trained solo with Peter.. i dunno but Peter seemed to have treated me quite coldly today.. oh well, i'm a nobody in squash so who gives a damn??

i'll stop boring you guys with my nonsense..

ivan..